Ok, I think the first thing to do here is to just get it out there, every mom does the things or most of them that you read on the previous post Mommy Perfection - Part 1. If you have not read it just click on the link in the last sentence and take a look. We would all like to say, I'm not that mom, but we are. We all fail in the perfect department. We just aren't and that is OKAY. My goal here is not to hurt your feelings or call you out on the things you (we) are doing wrong. It is to help us to recognize that we are all imperfect, help us to recognize the areas where we fail and to try to do better.
Can we do better? ABSOLUTELY. Will we do better? I certainly hope so. Am I doing better? Well my time has passed for the most part since I am now a grandmother, but I certainly will try with my grandson since he is with me oftentimes more than with his mother (she is the breadwinner in this family now). How can we do better? Let's take a look at this one.
First of all, we need God. That is absolutely the priority for doing better at anything we do especially in the area of being a better mom.
I have always called myself a Christian and most of the time I truly did try to do the right thing by all around me and to serve the Lord. Was I successful? NOT!!! Do I have regrets? Some, but I have forgiveness. I think that this is the thing that I took away from this post. We all make mistakes.
I can't tell you the number of times I told my chidren, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it." Harsh, yes I know. Regret it? Yes, I do. But I have to remember that words once spoken can never be taken back, so on my knees I go and I cry monumental tears to God for forgiveness, which He freely gives and then I try to do better.
I now watch my daughter being the mommy. She is a single mother, by choice. She wanted a child. She did not want a husband. Did I agree with that? No, but it was not my decision and I am not her judge. She is a good mom. She makes mistakes just like I did and the rest of you do. Sometimes she does not see the mistakes until she sees the consequences of them. But she is a work in progress, just like we all are. She is making every effort to become the person she believes her son will be proud of and in so doing she is showing him the person he can become.
There are consequences to our mistakes with our children. How they affect us and our children is what we need to think about. Children learn what they live. So if you are a screamer, your children will be screamers too, now and later. They will also stop listening to you.
Can we stop screaming? Probably not because we are quick enough most days to think before we speak or scream. For most of us the screaming is a reaction and usually an instant one. What we can do is take it to the Lord in prayer. What we can do is remember that God chose us specifically for that child for a reason. There is something that no other mom can do for or teach that child. BUT, let us also remember that there is something that child can do for us that no one else in the world can do.
Do you have an angry child? I do. Guess what, he was not born that way. You/I made him that way. Does your child wipe his 'boogers' away with his arm then wipe it on his shirt? Yep, you did that too. He just figures if it is okay for you to do it with your hand, it must be okay for him to do it with his arm. What's the difference right? Do you make mistakes? So does your child. Are you punished for your mistakes, many times not, so why punish the child for mistakes that he makes while learning what he should do.
Let's just breathe slowly every time, whether it is milk dumped in the trunk or a misbehaving child, just breathe, breathe, breathe.
Remember when you share that milkshake with your child, he is learning to share, when you play with your child and bang your knee, he is learning to play. He may also be learning some words that he shouldn't but these are correctable things for us and for them.
Save the designer purse for date night with your husband, then you won't be crying while you are scrubbing it. There are no material things worth your child's confidence and happiness. That purse or whatever the item might be is just a 'thing'. Your children on the other hand can not be replaced. Their confidence once shaken is very difficult to get back, their self-esteem, once destroyed is very difficult to recover.Most of all their trust, once broken, may never be given again.
I do have to say I NEVER used my hand to wipe 'boogers' but I did use my shirt tail and still do with my grandson when needed. Some may see something like this and say "oh, how disgusting." I see things like this and say "there is an act of love."
I have hidden in the kitchen and eaten the crust from sandwiches or their pizza because I did not want them to know that I only had enough for them. I have cried in the night for all the things that I wanted to do and could not. I have cried tears of joy at their accomplishments as well as tears of frustration. I am sure that I will cry many more tears in my life as I help my daughter raise her son.
The main thing that I think we should take away from this is that we are human and we fail. Many times we fail miserably and those who say they don't are not being honest with themselves. We all see a bit of ourselves in this post.
Do what you do, think about what you do, take it to the Lord and give it to Him. He has told us that He will never forsake us. He will never leave us. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Wisdom leads to understanding.
Our children need our understanding, they need our love, no matter what they do, they will learn from it. They need our guidance which they receive when we make mistakes and correct them. Children watch us closely, more closely than you may imagine. What will the lessons be?
I believe that the post from Lea in part 1 of this mini series was a gift from God. I believe that He put those words on her heart because I know that He is the one who sees all these things. Just as I know He put it there for me to see and to use here hopefully as an encouragement to others. He knew what we would do with our children even before we were born, so He knows everything now.
I hope that you enjoyed this. I realize it may seem a bit disjointed, but it came from my heart they way that it was given to me.
Please leave your comments and/or questions. I will be happy to respond. I would also love it if you would follow my blog as time goes by, it will get better and better as I learn from my grandson, my daughter and other mothers that I regularly follow and who inspire me to be a better person in order to raise a better child.